Butterflies and Karma

So I finished a book today.

Nothing momentous or life-changing, just a Star Wars novel, but I finished it - and for me, that's an accomplishment. I'm a terribly slow read, and it can take me up to a week to finish a book that's just a couple of hundred pages, whereas (I suspect) most folks can finish a book like that in a day or two.

But it was time to retire the book, so I headed to my book exchange of choice (really the only one in town), Half Price Books. I only got fifty cents for it, but the alternative was Goodwill, and I opted for the small financial reward rather than the little karmic one.

I then proceeded to King of Kings Church to "Celebrate Recovery", as the website put it - I'd been meaning to go to both church and an AA meeting today, it being Sunday, and I figured this would be a good way - spiritually - to kill two birds with one stone.

I saw only one or two cars in the parking lot. Had I made a mistake? I decided to peek inside and there were a couple of kids running around but that was it. I walked the length of the massive building and looked for someone outside on the opposite end. Finding nobody, I went back in and saw the kids again, this time with their parents. I asked the gentleman if he knew anything about the recovery group, and he seemed to think that the group met on Mondays rather than Sundays. Looking at a sign in the lobby which confirmed his opinion, we both conceded I'd arrived at the wrong time.

But had I?

Dejected, I was walking back to my car when I suddenly spied a pair of butterflies in the air. What were they doing way out here in the middle of nowhere? I smiled in spite of myself as I watched them playfully turn loops above my head. Faster and faster they went until I began to feel dizzy watching them. By the time they finally took off I was grinning like an idiot.

Had I just received some kind of a divine hug? Some reassurance that I was not alone and that my heart had been in the right place?

Maybe I was just being grandiose. I got in the car and headed home. Wondering if my spiritual obligations for the day had been filled, I decided to check the Internet for AA meetings, though it was getting late. I grabbed another one of my books, which I'd forgotten earlier, and decided to head to Half Price Books again. I figured if it was closed I'd go to an AA meeting instead.

Sure enough, the store was closed, and so I headed to Ralston for the nearest chapter. I was about 10 minutes late, but the chairperson was still doing the reading, so I sat down quietly. There were a couple of unsavory-looking individuals but I reminded myself not to judge. The collection basket was passed and I uncharacteristically put a five dollar bill in, figuring karma might reward me in the form of inspiration for a blog or a painting. When it was my turn to speak, I briefly related how I was coming up on an important milestone in sobriety and how much I missed my kids.

Pretty soon, it was time for the closing prayer.

And you know what?

For the first time since I've been to an AA meeting, I felt a genuine warmth and sincerity as I recited the Lord's Prayer, feelings that had been missing from the start but that were just now rising to the surface.

It was a genuinely moving experience.

Is AA finally starting to "kick in"?

One thing's for sure, I know I will sleep well tonight.

Perhaps I will dream of butterflies.